


A little piece of heaven.

by saruhikofushimi



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 21:30:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12944343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saruhikofushimi/pseuds/saruhikofushimi
Summary: just something to... vent. i am sorry if its ooc but its a concept i started to think a few days ago and needed to just... try.





	A little piece of heaven.

Inside his small 'room' inside Purgatory, there is not concept of time. Sandalphon counts the days on his head, but there is no way to know when a day ends and another one starts. Not inside that place where there is not even a window to look through.  
  
He also doesn't need to sleep. There is no use, no meaning for it. But, he can daydream. He can imagine. He can recreate memories and he can also picture different scenarios. It is slightly better than staring at the wall and slowly lose his mind.  
  
And so, the fallen angel closes his eyes again, and speaks to no one in particular.  
  
"It is the day 872. Or at least I think it is. There is no way to know anything else for sure but solitude in here. I am no longer waiting for anything to happen or anyone to come. But..." and there is a pause. Would he be watching, even there? Would there be a chance for someone - _him_ \- to listen? There is probably no way that could happen, but that doesn't stop him from continuing. There is nothing else to do anyway, or at least that's what he keeps repeating to himself "... if you are there, if you can talk to me, even if for a second-"  
  
"872 days, already?" Sandalphon hears the all too familiar voice which almost causes him to open his eyes and destroy that moment. His heart starts beating fastly, hurting inside his chest.  
  
But then he remembers. It's all something similar to a dream, it's all his imagination. There is no way that could happen, and there is no way Lucifer could... or even would reply to him, not inside of his own mind. And definitely not after everything that happened.  
  
This is just something to pass time. The difference between the other days and today it's that, this time, he chose to hurt himself further. He chose to bare open his chest and dig his nails on his own heart. It didnt matter any longer. Nothing mattered.  
  
After all, he was just scrap that was already discarded.  
  
"It may not be an adequate question but I would want to know how are you" Sandalphon hears the voice ask again, and he cant help but grit his teeth.  
  
"It is not an adequate question indeed, since you know well where I am" There is silence for a few seconds before the voice -Lucifer's voice, matching perfectly with his memories of him. That calm voice that sounded so sweet everytime it was directed at him. That voice that would calm him down and reassure him oh so many times that his moment would definitely come. That there was more to him. That there was something... something him and only him would be able to do. That voice that saved him and at the same time destroyed him- replies with a low " _I know_ " and Sandalphon doesnt even know how to react. He feels like it is nonsense to continue that conversation with himself, to hurt himself even more. The punishment already fit the crime. He was locked down and far away from him. Sandalphon couldnt hurt him -or try to- anymore, but Lucifer's memory could and would do it at any given chance. That was the lesson that time. Not even in a thousand years, he would be able to forget what he made him feel. Not in a thousand years, he would be able to look back and be proud of what he chose to do. Not in a thousand years... would he be freed of all those heavy, too human-like feelings inside of him that threatened to tear him apart at any given chance.

And Sandalphon was starting to welcome the chance of just giving up.  
  
It was unfair, but he did it to himself. Everything. He chose to rebel. He chose to betray him. He chose to fell.  
  
And maybe it was the only thing that he ever did out of his own will. And look where it took him.  
  
"Do you think things could have gone differently?" Lucifer suddenly asks, and Sandalphon smiles bitterly.  
  
"Maybe" it's the only thing he's able to say, even if he would love to reply honestly, he can't.  
  
"Can you tell me where did I go wrong?"  
  
The angel hugs his own knees, and thinks. Even after all, he doesn't want to blame him. He doesn't want to think of the other as the one who did him wrong. Because it was not entirely the truth.  
  
But his voice. His voice is destroying him with every word and making it really difficult to think, to rationalize. That beloved voice of his is asking him a question, but all Sandalphon is able to hear is the cold, harsh words that _the other one,_ the one that looked exactly as Lucifer pronounced just before everything ended. The word "useless" echoes on his head, breaking every single thing that made him last sane all that time, and the worst thing of all is that it is said by that very same voice. Honeyed, poisoned words that make the pain on his chest grow bigger, the throbbing on his head to never stop.  
  
_It isn't fair_ he wants to say, and it definitely isn't. He wants to stop it, he wants to open his eyes, but the faint memory, the little traces of Lucifer are there again for him, and for a second he can see himself there too, taking a walk with him again, talking about mundane things again with him. He can feel the warmth of his presence, the soft touch of his pure white wings when Sandalphon felt dary enough to go for a small, almost imperceptible caress. Feeling like they both were connected by something that went way beyond comprehension, way beyond words. A bond that they slowly created, all the memories they chose to share. The feeling that it could last forever, as immortals as they both were. Something so beautiful, that it would never get tainted, that it would never, ever break. If he just focused, if he silences the words still echoing without giving him a break... they can be together again. He can remember how his own laugh sounded like, how Lucifer's eyes would shine, how his smile looked like. Just with that, with a little focus, they can be...  
  
"You may not answer me, but I think I got the answer after thinking about it while you were gone. I know I never told you before but, Sandalphon, I really car-"  
  
And in that same moment he decides to open his eyes, and with that, he stops listening. Lucifer, alongside with his presence and his voice, is gone again, leaving him alone in that dark room with no sound other than his own agitated breathing and his heart, beating way too fast, hurting more and more with every single beat.  
  
"It isn't fair" and now it is his own voice the one that echoes, followed by a bitter laugh, without any answer to follow anymore. It isn't fair, that his own imagination is playing tricks on him like that, trying to confuse him further and trying to hurt him even more. "It isn't fair. Isn't this enough?"  
  
Sandalphon knows. He knows far too well that he was the one that destroyed everything, and he did it with his own hands. He knows he doesnt deserve to even daydream about forgiveness, about him knowing, about him caring, about him talking to him once again. He hugs his knees again, and waits.  
  
Waits for another endless day to end, and for another one to start. No more daydreaming. No more closing eyes.  
  
And thats what makes him miss the small, too white feather laying besides him.


End file.
